Business and employment practices attorney since 1983. President

January 18, 2018 | Author: Anonymous | Category: Arts & Humanities, Performing Arts, Drama
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Victims, Villains and Heroes Managing Emotions in the Workplace

Don Phin, Esq. • Business and employment practices attorney since 1983. • President, Employer Advisors Network, Inc. • Developer of the HR That Works program endorsed by Vistage and used by 2700+ companies. • Author of three books on management.

• More than 300 presentations to executives. • Live in Coronado, Ca • Married with 3 sons.

Shakespeare said… All the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances. And one man in his time plays many parts.” As You Like It

Victim Villain

Hero

The Plot

Portrait of a Victim • grief

• hopelessness

• powerlessness

• feeling rejected

• low self esteem

• incapacity

• submissiveness

• naiveté

• anguish

• fragility

• fearfulness

• dependency

• suffering

• depression

• pain & suffering

• “culture of silence”

Underneath the Victim’s Pain Lies… • vulnerability

• sensitivity

• devotion

• tenderness

• faithfulness

• purity

• receptivity

• sweetness

• gratefulness

• appreciation

• love

• caring

Why Do We Play Victim?

…because it

feels good!

Becoming a Victim • born that way

• traumas in youth • workplace history

Dark Side of the Victim • dishonest

• irresponsible • compulsive

Victims in the Workplace • 100 year battle

• control is main theme • manifested in legal system

1900’s

1900’s

1930’s

Race

Age

Sex

Disabilities

Dilbert

Lawsuit Explosion! • thousands of claims

• employees win more than half • lottery like mentality

Portrait of a Villain • uncaring

• cruel

• selfish

• flattering

• addicted

• arrogant

• charming

• seductive

• scheming

• intolerant

• moves with great speed

• draining energy

Positive Side of the Villain • • • • •

fun adventurous clever mischievous great communicator

• • • • •

risk taker great negotiator wealthy irresistible takes what he or she wants

But… it never lasts!

Making of a Villain • tired of being a victim

• sucked in by a villain • shut down their feelings

• hurl their pain at others

Villains in the Workplace • bosses • harassers and abusers • consultants

Bosses & Other Reptiles

Never Work for a Jerk

Handling the Serious Villain • avoid the physical

• use inner strength • expose them • get help!

What Role Do You Think You Play??

Portrait of a Hero • caring

• determined

• powerful

• compassionate

• persevering

• sacrificing

• helpful

• inspiring

• responsible

• giving

• idealistic

• disciplined

• honest

• humble

• in control

• self-sacrificing

The Making of a Hero • the drive to triumph • hero role models • motivated by a cause • extreme circumstances

Dark Side of the Hero • • • •

over-controlling gullible always exhausted feels justified in being angry • gives but can’t receive • own’s others problems

• • • •

overly idealistic obsessive perfectionist neglects family for “the cause” • detached from feelings • murderous

Heroes in the Workplace • union organizers • lawyers and legislatures

• enlightened leaders

The Drama of Work • it’s a thriller • at least two players

• rush to play the victim role

All 3 Lie

Convict the Liar • feels unfair

• gather evidence • ignites the triumph energy

You own 100% by yourself.

Relating at 50/50

Emotional Inequality • 20%’rs (victims) • 80%’rs (villains)

• 80%’rs (negative heroes)

The 20/20 Relationship

The 80/80 Relationship

The 80/20 Relationship

The 40/40 Relationship

Moving From 20% to 40% • coax, encourage and inspire

• focus on the efforts first • you can’t save all

Moving from 80% to 40% • stop running • become inclusive • have faith!

Bob

The Kid

Speaking For Yourself • YOU, YOU, YOU

• use “I” words • ask them to speak about their experience, not yours

Baby, Light My Fire • procrastinate

• hurl your pain • use their energy

Avoiding Conflict • “wow, that’s interesting!” • get out of the line of fire • walk and breath

Resolve Differences by… • wanting to resolve

differences • we are both good people • agreeing in advance

Remember this… … the role of the hero is to allow others to become their own heroes!

The Rewards • the end of Ground Hog Day

• becoming our own hero • living happily ever after

Summary • be aware of The Plot • Goodness Triumphs Over Evil • emotional heart space

• play 40/40!

VictimsVillainsandHeroes.com

Contact Info • [email protected]

• www.donphin.com • www.hrthatworks.com • (800) 234-3304

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