minding our children may 2013

How do we mind our children? Dr Hester O Connor Principal Psychology Manager HSE Dublin South West/Kildare West Wicklow May 8th 2013

What will be covered in this talk 

What questions would you like answered in this talk?

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Talking to young people about difficult topicssuicide, internet, drugs, alcohol

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What help is available for young people in Rathangan

The task facing parents How do you manage yourself and at the same time make sense of what is going on In the ABSENCE of information from your son or daughter?

What does not work 

Asking questions that lead to a yes or no answer –give a menu of options

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Eye contact with boys /mothers asking questions to point the youngster can’t handle it anymore

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Showing how anxious you are

Walking the tightrope Trying to get a balance between being an important presence in their life not an Invasive presence What works at the moment ?

What doesn’t ? What helps you open up? – the same applies to your children

What have you noticed about how your child tells you things? 

What makes them clam up?

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Jumping down their throat doesn’t help

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Do you get more information when you seem to have your attention half somewhere else? Like when you give them a lift, or serving up meals?

Don’t add to the drama 

Over reacting adds to the drama, & disinterest likely to cause escalation in behaviour, stay calm in the interest of gathering information

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Listen even if you don’t like what you hear- we all crave to be heard

Managing your anxiety 

Somehow you need to find a way to manage your anxiety even as you ask questions

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If you over react you might reinforce a drama or create one where none existed

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Knowing the difference between behaviour that seeks for a response Vs behaviour that is a real worry

PARENTS ARE NOT FRIENDS You are by their side not on their side Many Parents would do anything to be friends with their childrenTHIS COMES WITH A PRICE

The School & The family 

What happens in school is the business of parents

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What happens outside school is the business of the school

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There needs to be a flow of information between the two

Children stuck between parents  Remember

if you want what is best for your child you have to as parents

 Set

aside your differences for the child’s sake

 Many

parents are not doing this

In discussing Suicide Suicide – be honest - avoid speculation and sensationalisation - acknowledge the finality of death -Asking the question won’t put the idea in

someone’s head - be open to young people expressing all sorts of feelings

The most powerful influence in a young person’s life is 

the presence of an adult who cares about them, someone who believes in them and who listens to them

Young People at Risk 

Significant change in behaviour

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Withdrawal from favourite activities

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Death in family, or break-up or other significant issue

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Exhibiting signs of anxiety or depression

Internet 

6 in 10 Irish children (aged 9 to16) have a profile on a social networking website.

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Rules say not for under 13

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Maintaining a profile is their third most popular thing to do on the internet

Steps to becoming an internet parent 

1 Familiarise

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2 Explore for yourself

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3 Restrict – consider parental controls such as filtering

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yourself

4 Know - Be aware of the potential dangers and know where to report potentially illegal or inappropriate behaviour online

DRUG & ALCOHOL USE 

Alcohol & drugs have a seriously damaging effect on young people

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We can’t afford to turn a Blind Eye

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Be sensible-know where your child is, know where your purse is-how much is in it?

DRUG DEBT & Young People 

This is a new menace in Ireland

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Young person can feel so frightened over a small debt for Cannabis eg 200 Euros that they might feel suicidal and not know where to turn

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Find someone to talk to-don’t keep it secret

Help in Rathangan 

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Support in Ard Scoil is helping, what else would you like to see? Scooters Youth Club –fantastic support for young people HOPE-D counselling now available in Rathangan HALO –Drug & Alcohol support

THANK YOU & thanks to those who helped in preparation of this talk

Useful Resources   

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www.watchyourspace.ie www.webwise.ie/parents www.google.ie/familysafety www.abc.tcd.ie www.hotline.ie www.thinkuknow.co.uk www.superclubsplus.com.au