Boys, Boxing and Polish Ties final version

Boys, Boxing and Polish Ties

‘My Polish Teacher’s Tie’ Helen Dunmore ‘And then I saw it. Pleasure. A smile lit in his eyes and ran to his mouth’ “Carla! You are Carla Carter. My penfriend.”’

A Pretty Good PQD Dunmore uses symbols to create the characters: “It was red with bold green squiggles on it. It was a terribly Hopeful tie”. Dunmore uses the personification of the tie to discribe Steffan’s hopefullness. Dunmore uses Staffan’s tie to symbolise who staffan is, a bright, happy and hopfull man who stands out.

Hit it as far as you can…

Tom It was like I got his by a steam train right in the jaw I could feel my feet going from underneath me. Bang, pow, thud I could feel and see and hear the punches travelling into my brain, the blood trickled down my face, then he landed the last punch, that was it. My feet had gone I tried to hold up on ali’s shorts but I went just like a tree been chainsawed I hit the ground and could barely hear the count, my mind and ears could work out 6, 7, 8, I tried getting, but the crowd went wild! Ali bounced around the ring and the ring got raided, my trainer got me up, and took me into the corner the last thing I saw was a wet sponge coming into my face.

Bang, pow, thud I could feel and see and hear the punches travelling into my brain, the blood trickled down my face, then he landed the last punch, that was it. My feet had gone I tried to hold up on ali’s shorts but I went just like a tree been chainsawed I hit the ground and could barely hear the count, my mind and ears could work out 6, 7, 8, I tried getting, but the crowd went wild! Ali bounced around the ring and the ring got raided, my trainer got me up, and took me into the corner the last thing I saw was a wet sponge coming into my face.

FIRST DRAFT: It was a cold blowy day in early April, and a million radios were striking thirteen.

SECOND DRAFT: It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.

Fire built in my belly and I crazed doing all I could landing punch after punch in the face and in the ribs I could feel the vibrations tingling from my fist straight up my arm from my fist, and his nose merging into my knuckles, the groans bellowed down my ear as I landed rib shots after rib shots mixed in with him saying my punches weren’t hard enough, bell rung and we was now at round 5 and I was tired.

Choosing words for impact! “Like the deepest roar from the leader of a lion pack.”

I wanted to make sure the reader knows that the noise was deafening.

Choosing words for impact! “Foreman’s stance, like a cheetah stalking its prey…”

I wanted to show that Foreman was completely focused on Ali.

Choosing words for impact! “A volcanic eruption of punches. It was as if they were waves smashing down upon the rocks, relentless and unforgiving…”

I wanted to give the impression that Foreman was beating the hell out of Ali.

Choosing words for impact! “…beating the nightmare to a bloody pulp.”

I wanted to get across the point that Foreman was getting totally mashed.

Choosing words for impact! “…I was heavyweight champion of the world! I had won.”

I showed that against all odds, Ali had beaten the monster that was George Foreman.

Punctuation…

…you

KNOW

the rules!

I like this… Dear John, I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy—will you let me be yours? Gloria

I don’t like this… Dear John, I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you – admit to being useless and inferior! You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn; for you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be? Yours, Gloria

Basic Punctuation • • • • • • • •

Full stops Capital letters Commas Semi-colons Colons Speech marks Question marks Exclamation marks

Place the Pair of Commas! • Every lesson despite having been reminded by his tutor Liam would ask for a pen. • With his house close to school just fifty yards from the library Josh was always on time. • Tom’s essay the one about the Ali-Foreman fight was quite outstanding. • James Kelly although he never brought a pen into school was making great progress.

I came out second, jogging out feeling confident. The crowd was chanting “ali, ali, ali” nothing could break my confidence. I entered the ring ducking and weaving catching the crowds attention but they were having none of it, the crowd was shouting “Ali Bumboyay!” he had no chance I could taste victory mixed in with sweat and vaseline trickling down my face.

I came out second, jogging out and feeling confident. The crowd was chanting, “Ali, Ali, Ali”. Nothing could break my confidence. I entered the ring ducking and weaving catching the crowd’s attention, but they were having none of it. The crowd was shouting, “Ali Bumboyay!” He had no chance. I could taste victory mixed in with the sweat and vaseline trickling down my face.

Tom It was like I got his by a steam train right in the jaw I could feel my feet going from underneath me. Bang, pow, thud I could feel and see and hear the punches travelling into my brain, the blood trickled down my face, then he landed the last punch, that was it. My feet had gone I tried to hold up on ali’s shorts but I went just like a tree been chainsawed I hit the ground and could barely hear the count, my mind and ears could work out 6, 7, 8, I tried getting, but the crowd went wild! Ali bounced around the ring and the ring got raided, my trainer got me up, and took me into the corner the last thing I saw was a wet sponge coming into my face.

Tom It was like I got hit by a boulder, right in the jaw! I could feel my feet going from underneath me. BANG! POW! THUD! I could feel, see and hear the punches travelling into my brain as each punch cut into my face like a hot knife through butter. My adrenaline was high; I could not feel the pain until I saw the blood trickling from my nose. Then he landed the last punch. That was it. My feet had gone. I tried to hold up on Ali’s shorts but I went, just like a tree that had been chain-sawed. I hit the ground and could barely hear the count. My mind and ears could work out 6, 7, 8, I tried getting up. I had no chance!

Point, Quote, Discussion… …about their own work!

Tom Tom uses vivid imagery to help the reader imagine how Foreman was knocked out: “…I went, just like a tree that had been chainsawed.” Tom’s image is really effective; when trees that have been cut down fall, they fall without anything stopping them. The ground shakes. This is what it was like when Foreman was sent down by Ali.

Josh Josh uses short sharp sentences to……… “His legs started to shake. His knees went weak.” Here Josh…

Josh Josh uses short sharp sentences to create a sense of disbelief at what was happening to Foreman: “His legs started to shake. His knees went weak.” Here Josh creates pauses between the sentences because they are so short. It is like the effect upon the audience. No-one could believe what was happening as Ali won. It adds to the drama.

Building Blocks for Boys… • • • • • • • • •

Great stimulus material for inspiring writing Rough notes Raw draft – hit it as far as you can! You type up – worth the investment Impact! – using their own work SPG – teach it from the front… They redraft for impact and accuracy PQD their own work Celebrate – publish far and wide

PQD… …with a big

D!

Technique (P) In the same way “the River God” also has a lot of emotive language which then leads onto a sexual aspect. I think in both poems they are broken human beings who have a terrible reputation with the opposite sex. The last line in “the River God” is also a very bold sentence.

Quotation (Q) “If she chooses to go, I will not forgive her.”

Effect (D) This is a very loving threat in some ways because it shows that “the River God” has really taken to this female and would be devastated if he lost her, which makes you tingle when you read it because basically he is saying he will drown her.

PQD In the same way “the River God” also has a lot of emotive language which then leads onto a sexual aspect. I think in both poems they are broken human beings who have a terrible reputation with the opposite sex. The last line in “the River God” is also a very bold sentence. “If she chooses to go, I will not forgive her.” This is a very loving threat in some ways because it shows that “the River God” has really taken to this female and would be devastated if he lost her, which makes you tingle when you read it because basically he is saying he will drown her.

Janus-faced sentences • Whilst the “River God” was unhappy with his life, the speaker in “Give” is much more determined… • Armitage uses detailed description in “The Clown Punk” but Browning reveals the character through the use of the first person narrator… • On the one hand Duffy…; on the other hand Armitage…

Compare the ways poets present strong feelings in ‘Give’ and one other poem from Character and voice.

The character in the poem “Give” feels angry as well as bitter that a house owner has a house and he is without one: “Of all the public places, dear” Armitage emphasises the character's bitterness with the dramatic pause with the use of the comma to add sarcastic tone to the word “dear”. Whilst Armitage uses sarcastic tone Duffy uses a more threatening voice, and direct tone towards the man: “Are you terrified?” The way she says “you” she’s making a point that she is just angry at him and there’s no-one else to get him out of it.

Fewer (activities) Deeper (learning) Better (student outcomes)